when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
