you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
