honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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