I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
