omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
How's work?
Spinning.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
