I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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