i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize