I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
