You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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