Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
