I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
