So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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