Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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