Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Randomize
