Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize