I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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