do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
