On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
