I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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