dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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