my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
