Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
