Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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