I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
