I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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