sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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