It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I love black thongs
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
