How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
