Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize