Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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