How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize