Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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