A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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