The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
