woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
