Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
