Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
