Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
She announced her abortion via fbk
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
