final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
operation harelip BJ is a go
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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