I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
