My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
