Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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