Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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