why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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