So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Sorry my hands just texted you
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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