Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
