Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
