I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
