i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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