I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
