this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize