on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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