Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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