At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
