JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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