We named our party play list daddy issues
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
