I'm gonna have a badass scar
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
