I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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