3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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