Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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