my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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