How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
