Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
