well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
