They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Ladies don't puke and tell
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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