Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
