My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
