I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
