It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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