Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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