I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
