I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
