what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
