How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
