as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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