white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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