No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
