I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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