Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
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