My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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