I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize