What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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