For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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