Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
