So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
