her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize