$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
