I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
