I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
