she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
