My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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