Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
