i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
