New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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