Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
