p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
