but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
