I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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