I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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