his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
