i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
