my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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