I think I died a long time ago.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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