I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
