Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
