I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
