My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
