:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
