If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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