he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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