he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
