I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize